tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63091086477902539012024-02-08T05:28:51.308-08:00Vexed at the EarthPaul Hebronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16238733917627525859noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6309108647790253901.post-83262934425725035192016-02-28T08:29:00.004-08:002016-02-28T08:29:47.577-08:00And hoy them doon the pit of hell<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Seething with cold hate, Louisa Jo Killen. Paul Hebronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16238733917627525859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6309108647790253901.post-55593427905455854502014-07-18T17:33:00.001-07:002014-07-18T17:33:17.154-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I hardly imagine anyone will notice but I deleted everything
that was on this blog. I hadn’t revisited it, the chances of me writing
anything more are slim, and none of it was tremendously good anyway.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The truth is that being unemployed for over a year now and
this gradual loss of my drive to write, and lots of other things, isn’t
unconnected. I feel like I haven’t been able to stop myself from slipping into helplessness,
and most days I feel at some point that I’ve fucked my life up at some point. It’ll
be getting on for two months since I had a face to face conversation with one
of the handful of friends who still live in my hometown; compared to last year
when I was out for a lot of nights over the summer this is a marked decline.
There are other things too; somebody I hold dear in my life is very sick and I’m
spending a lot of my time looking after them. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Loneliness is a big issue. Twitter helps quite a bit but it
can’t change the fact I feel I can barely write or even read anything. When I
think I turned out a number of (decent imo) essays for the decades blogs last
year I feel sick that that seems so far beyond me right now. I volunteered for
a charity and did work I was extremely proud of but now I avoid all contact
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<br /></div>
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I’ve decided that if nothing comes up by August I’ll reenrol
at University and take a TEFL course and see where that leads me. I really don’t
feel like I’ve got any more options left to me with the possibility of another
year on the dole looming up.</div>
Paul Hebronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16238733917627525859noreply@blogger.com3