I hardly imagine anyone will notice but I deleted everything
that was on this blog. I hadn’t revisited it, the chances of me writing
anything more are slim, and none of it was tremendously good anyway.
The truth is that being unemployed for over a year now and
this gradual loss of my drive to write, and lots of other things, isn’t
unconnected. I feel like I haven’t been able to stop myself from slipping into helplessness,
and most days I feel at some point that I’ve fucked my life up at some point. It’ll
be getting on for two months since I had a face to face conversation with one
of the handful of friends who still live in my hometown; compared to last year
when I was out for a lot of nights over the summer this is a marked decline.
There are other things too; somebody I hold dear in my life is very sick and I’m
spending a lot of my time looking after them.
Loneliness is a big issue. Twitter helps quite a bit but it
can’t change the fact I feel I can barely write or even read anything. When I
think I turned out a number of (decent imo) essays for the decades blogs last
year I feel sick that that seems so far beyond me right now. I volunteered for
a charity and did work I was extremely proud of but now I avoid all contact
with them. Everything I do feels like I’ve
been wasting my time. Stuff like that.
I’ve decided that if nothing comes up by August I’ll reenrol
at University and take a TEFL course and see where that leads me. I really don’t
feel like I’ve got any more options left to me with the possibility of another
year on the dole looming up.
Well, I have been a TEFL teacher for getting on 20 years now and I still like it. Give it a go. Sorry to hear someone near you is ill, if you need any advice on jobs courses etc, feel free to ask
ReplyDeleteFaith, hope, and love -
ReplyDeletethe greatest of these is love:
jump into faith...
and you'll see with love.
Doesn’t matter if you don’t believe
(what I write).
God believes in you.
God bless you.
Faith, hope, and love -
ReplyDeletethe greatest of these is love:
jump into faith...
and you'll see with love.
Doesn’t matter if you don’t believe
(what I write).
God believes in you.
God bless you.